


Three Men and an Eggplant Emoji

by drunkkenobi



Series: Shane (and Ryan) Vs. The Internet [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dick Jokes, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Snowballing, Spitroasting, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 07:44:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18566974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkkenobi/pseuds/drunkkenobi
Summary: Once again, someone on Reddit draws Shane’s ire. Once again, there are sexy results.





	Three Men and an Eggplant Emoji

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [That Darn Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912836), where Shane's annoyance at a redditor led to him and Ryan hooking up. Like that fic, this was inspired by an [actual comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/BuzzFeedUnsolved/comments/ba0rwf/comment/ekdhnv8) Shane left. 
> 
> Thank you to Bee for the beta! 
> 
> PS if your name is in those fic tags, please do not read this. That means you, Curly.

Ryan was in the middle of a particularly heated Super Smash Bros battle with his roommates when his phone binged with a new text message. He ignored it as he flipped around the stage, trying to get to the assist trophy that had just landed on the far right side. But his phone kept binging with texts and it distracted him just enough for Simon Belmont to fall right off the side of the stage.

“God _dammit_ ,” he groaned as the announcer bellowed “Player Two Defeated!”. While the battle continued for his roommates, Ryan opened his phone to see who was texting him so much at 8pm on a Sunday.

_From Shane Madej_

_S: have you seen this shit? (reddit_screenshot.jpg attached)_

_S: someone is trying to impugn Curly’s good name!! Curly! OF ALL PEOPLE!_

_S: and they can’t even source themselves! Just going off some video that is probably 5 years old and was scripted bullshit anyway._

_S: and that I’m sure he apologized for._

_S: I cannot believe I just had to read that Curly, of all people, is biphobic. OF ALL PEOPLE RYAN._

_S: ...sorry. I know you’re Smashin’ right now. I may have had some wine._

Ryan texted back.

_R: im comin over_

_S: why?_

_S: Not that I’m complaining._

_R: bc i wanna watch the master at work ;)_

_R: & bc last time u got this mad at a reddit thing we touched dicks for the 1st time _

_S: ...I’ll save you some wine._

\-----

When Ryan opened the door to Shane’s apartment, he was greeted by Shane all bunched up on his sofa, his long legs tucked underneath him like a pretzel, with his Macbook in his lap. At Ryan’s arrival, he peeked up from the screen.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Ryan said, joining him on the couch and giving him a quick kiss. “How’s it coming along?”

“Pretty good, I think. You wanna see?”

Ryan angled the laptop towards him so he could read Shane’s reply-in-progress. It was an artful defense, correcting the original poster on the particulars and explaining some relevant BuzzFeed background info, while also emphasizing that Curly was one of the kindest people Shane knew. His tone was firm but polite, much like it had been four months earlier when a similar Reddit comment pushed Shane over the edge. Ryan’s dick twitched at the memory, of how Shane’s defense of him and the show finally gave Ryan the courage to kiss him for the first time.

He was about to tell Shane to forget about a dumb Reddit comment and take his pants off when he read the final sentence:

_Sorry to pounce, but Jesus Christ, I don't know if I've met a single human being as compassionate and empathetic as Curly, and I'll count myself lucky if he ever joins us on another ghoul hunt._

“Holy shit,” Ryan gasped. “You’re not just mad...you’re _pissed_.”

“Aren’t you? This is _Curly_ , Ryan. He doesn’t deserve that kind of slander.”

“Oh I definitely agree. It just surprises me when you get all riled up. It doesn’t happen very often.”

“I don’t like it when the character of people I care about is called into question,” Shane said simply, repositioning the computer back in his lap. “Especially when it involves people who make their living on the internet. Reputation is everything and this kind of shit is so harmful.”

Ryan squirmed in his pants, his dick very interested in the way Shane was talking right now. “Are you going to tell this person that?”

“Yup. I just gotta get the wording right. I don’t want to alienate people, but Christ, it’s Curly. He’s the fucking best.”

“Dude, you don’t have to defend Curly to me. You know how I feel about him,” Ryan said as he cupped himself through his jeans.

Shane’s eyes snapped away from his computer screen towards his hand. “Oh, I know. I can’t look at him now without remembering the erotic fantasy you drunkenly whispered to me back in New Mexico.”

“I still think we should have gone for it,” Ryan said, squeezing himself. “I think he’d be into it.”

“You do remember you fell asleep like ten minutes after detailing how badly you wanted to, and I quote, ‘suck that D’.”

“Whatever, I could’ve woken back up.”

“I think that if we’re going to potentially blow up a relationship with one of our close friends by proposing a threesome, we should both be pretty alert for it,” Shane pointed out.

Ryan reached behind Shane to press his thumb to the back of his neck. “You know, I’m pretty alert right now. How about you?”

Shane swallowed as pink crawled up his throat and into his face. “I could be considered alert. Getting more alert by the second, if you know what I mean.”

“Sweet,” he said, his dick fully hard in his jeans now. “We don’t have to, though. It you think it’s a bad idea or you don’t want to. It’s just a dumb fantasy.”

“First of all, there is nothing dumb about you wanting to get spitroasted by me and one of our hottest friends, so you take that back right now,” Shane said sternly. “Second of all, like I told you before, I want it too, Ryan. I want it a lot.”

Biting down hard on his lower lip, Ryan nodded. “Then I wanna do it. Ask him, at least. Then we’ll know.”

Shane squeezed Ryan’s thigh. “Then text him.”

“Not yet. You gotta finish,” Ryan said, nodding to Shane’s laptop.

“You sure you can keep it in your pants for that long?” Shane countered, nodding to the bulge in Ryan’s jeans.

“Shut up and write.”

\-----

_From Ryan Bergara to Shane Madej, Curly Velasquez_

_R: heyyyyyyy curly. Idk if u get on reddit ever but shane just defended ur honor (compassionatecurly_screenshot.jpg attached)_

_R: i helped too_

_S: you chose one (1) word._

_R: fine but still i agree w/ him_

_C: omg you two!!! You seriously did not have to do that, especially in your own show’s subreddit._

_S: that’s exactly why I had to do it._

_R: hes very passionate about protecting ur character_

_R: among other things *eggplant emoji*_

“Jesus Christ, Ryan,” Shane sighed. “Subtlety, have you heard of it?”

“Overrated,” he replied as his phone began to ring. It was no surprise that Curly’s face was lighting up his screen.

“Hey, Curly, what’s shakin’?” Ryan asked as he answered the call, on speaker.

“Oh nothing much, just trying to figure out why you texted me the dick emoji,” he said casually.

“It was an eggplant,” Ryan corrected automatically. Shane groaned.

“Ryan, honey, no one has ever used the eggplant emoji to refer to actual eggplants. Never,” Curly rightly pointed out. “So, what’s up? Besides Shane’s eggplant, apparently.”

“Uh, actually all eggplants here are nice and ripe,” Ryan said, trying to put on his sexiest voice. By the uproarious laughter coming from the speaker, he was not successful.

“How are you so bad at this?” Shane hissed, reaching for the phone. Ryan tried to hold it out of reach but he forgot that Shane’s arms were longer than his, and he snatched it.

“Sorry Curly, it’s Shane. What Ryan is trying and failing to do is ask if you’d like to come over to my place tonight.”

“Like I’d ever turn down an invitation from my favorite boys! What are we getting into?”

“Me,” Ryan blurted out.

Shane dropped the phone so he could bury his face in his hands. “Oh my fucking God. _Ryan_.”

“What? It’s the truth!”

“You can’t just _say_ that!”

Ryan shrugged. “There’s no point in beating around the bush.”

“Yeah, well, there is going to be no beating around any bushes tonight, now,” Shane sighed, rubbing his hands over his face.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Neither does trying to take back an eggplant emoji fifteen seconds after you sent it, but you did it anyway.”

“Uh, guys?” Curly said, his voice muffled by the phone being dropped onto the carpet. “Hello? Did you hear me?”

Ryan picked it up. “Hey, sorry, no. Butterfingers here dropped the phone.”

“Only because you are about as smooth as crumpled sandpaper,” Shane argued.

“Well, I’m _muy interesado_ to find out where you boys are smooth and where you aren’t,” Curly said.

Ryan’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ll be over in twenty minutes. Unless you need me to stop for lube?”

Shane grabbed Ryan’s wrist, his eyes wide as Ryan replied. “No, uh, we’ve got plenty.”

“Fantastic! See you lovelies soon.”

“Uh, yeah. See you soon,” Shane said as Ryan hung up.

“Um. Holy shit,” Ryan said, staring up at Shane with wide eyes. “He’s coming over.”

“Yeah, your complete lack of subtlety seems to have worked.”

Shane went to stand up, but Ryan grabbed onto his hand and pulled him back down. “Shane. Curly is _coming over_. To have _sex_.”

Shane raised his eyebrows at him. “I’m aware. I was on my way to tidy up the bedroom.”

An unforeseen panic began rising in Ryan’s throat as his grip on Shane tightened. “What if it’s awkward? What if it’s— _I’m_ —bad? It’ll fuck up our friendship and I’ll never forgive myself.”

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you waited until _now_ to bring this up and just tell you this,” Shane said, his thumb rubbing over Ryan’s. “If it’s awkward or bad or weird, we’ll stop. As for friendship ruining, I was worried too, but the fact that Curly offered to buy us lube on the way over here means I think we’re in the clear on that.”

“Good point,” Ryan said, his anxiety already subsiding somewhat. “Okay, let’s make sure Obi hasn’t haired up your sheets.”

“You know he has.”

“Serious question, do you want me to have an allergy attack in your bed one day?”

“You try saying no to that beautiful little furry face,” Shane said, smiling over at where Obi was curled up in an Amazon box.

Ryan couldn’t help it, he smiled too. “Fine. But you have to make the bed, then.”

“Fair enough.”

\-----

Twenty minutes flew by in a flash. They were still cleaning up Shane’s bedroom when there was a knock at the door.

“You ready for this?” Shane asked as they made their way back out towards the front door.

Ryan nodded, hugging his arms to his chest. “I think so.”

Shane opened the door.

“Hello my beautiful ghoul boys. Ryan, is that an eggplant in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Curly greeted them with a gigantic smile.

“Um,” Ryan said, his face turning bright red.

Shane squeezed Ryan’s shoulder as he invited Curly in. “Please, come in.”

“Oh, I plan on it,” he said, giving Shane a playful poke in the chest. They all shared a laugh and Ryan relaxed immediately. If anyone was going to be extremely chill about having a threesome with two of his friends and coworkers, it was Curly.

“So,” Curly said. “From what I gathered on the phone, you boys are trying to seduce me. Am I right?”

“Yup. How’d we do?” Shane asked.

“I’m here, aren’t I?” he pointed out, falling onto the couch. “I always knew this day would come. It’s been in my dream journal for years.”

“Really? But we’ve only been together a few months,” Shane said.

Curly rolled his eyes. “Like I let that get in the way. I do have to admit that your means of seduction were not quite what I expected. Especially from you, Daddy Long Legs.”

“You had expectations?” Ryan asked as he sat down next to Curly. “Also, for the love of God, please don’t call him that.”

“No promises,” Curly said as he shifted to make room for Shane to sit on his other side. “And of course I did. I knew you, my buff ghost boy, would be upfront and just come right out and say it.”

Shane snorted. “That was a very kind way of saying that you knew he’d just blurt out a bad sex joke.”

“Hey, it worked,” Ryan pointed out.

Curly patted his cheek with a smile. “It did. But as for you,” he said, turning his attention to Shane. “I did not expect seduction by way of defensive Reddit comments. That’s a new one to me. Effective, though.”

“No kidding. He wrote one about me and that’s how we hooked up,” Ryan said.

“Really? You’re two-for-two then!”

“Now wait a minute,” Shane cut-in, holding his hands up. “That was never my intention, so I don’t think it really counts as a seduction method.”

“Aw, it’s okay. I’m thoroughly flattered that you’d defend me from some random Reddit person just to get me into the sack,” Curly said, giving Shane’s knee a squeeze. “I’ve fallen for worse, trust me.”

“No, that’s not—I wasn’t...,” Shane paused, clearly frustrated as he shook his head. He grabbed Curly’s hand with both of his and looked him straight in the eye as he started again. “Curly, I wrote most of that before Ryan even came over here and we started talking about this. It had nothing to do with seducing you, okay? You are one of the best people I know, and it broke my darn heart to see one of _our_ fans think less of you. So, please don't think I only said those things to get you into bed.”

“Oh,” Curly said softly as he pulled him into a tight hug. A huge smile broke out over Ryan’s face as he watched someone else get to see this side of Shane. He usually showed his affection in less obvious ways (a cup of coffee here, an animated hot dog story designed entirely to annoy Ryan there), so it was always special when he allowed himself to be this candid.

“Ryan, if you fuck this up, I’ve got dibs, okay?” Curly said as they broke apart. “That is a quality white boy you’ve got.”

Ryan grinned while the tips of Shane’s ears turned pink. “He’s alright.”

“So,” Shane cleared his throat. “Uh, how do we...how do we wanna do this?”

“Before we get started, I do have some ground rules, if that’s okay. Just three, but they are non-negotiable,” Curly said, holding up three fingers. Ryan and Shane nodded before he continued. “One, if any of us aren’t feeling it, we call it and no one’s feelings get hurt. Two, I’m spending the night and you two are buying me a delicious breakfast in the morning. And three, Shane has to say ‘ghosts are real’ when he comes.”

“What?!” Shane sputtered while Ryan burst out laughing.

Curly grinned as he ruffled Shane’s hair. “I’m kidding. But three rules sounded better, you know? Three rules for a threesome.”

Ryan raised his hand. “Uh, what if _I_ really want that to be a rule?”

“Absolutely not.”

“No fun,” Ryan pouted.

“I am about to have a threesome, I am _barrels_ of fun,” Shane argued.

“Says the guy who listens to The National as he gets ready every morning.”

“ _Alligator_ fucking rules, Ryan!”

“If you wanna be depressed as shit, it sure does!”

“Oh, are we at foreplay already?” Curly asked as he shrugged out of his jacket. “Let’s see...I got one! Ryan, you listen to Disneyland ride music at the gym, you are not one to talk, _cariño_.”

“Yes! We got him!” Shane cheered obnoxiously, high-fiving Curly.

Ryan crossed his arms, glaring at them. “Hey! You’re not allowed to team up on me, no fair!”

“Uh, isn’t us teaming up on you _exactly_ what you wanted tonight?” Shane asked with raised eyebrows.

Curly’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas. “Is it? Please tell me all the dirty details, the dirtier the better.”

Ryan’s face burned so brilliantly he had to focus on one of the holes in his jeans to keep himself together. Once he told Curly, there was no going back.

“I-I want. I wanna be in the middle. You at the front, Shane at the back,” he said quickly. “If that’s okay. I’m down to just, like, kiss and stuff, too, if that’s too much.”

“‘If that’s too much’,” Curly mocked, albeit in a loving tone. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

“Gimme a break, I’m still kinda new at all this,” Ryan said, waving his hand around. Curly caught it and squeezed tightly.

“Well, I’m not. What about you, _chico grande_?”

Shane shook his head. “The threesome stuff is all new to me, too.”

Curly snatched up Shane’s hand with his free one, beaming at them both. “Well, then. Allow me to be the one to introduce you boys to a much larger and much sexier world.”

\-----

Ryan was slightly worried that Curly’s introduction was going to involve videos and WikiHows and possibly even a PowerPoint presentation on the Dos and Don’ts of Gay Threesomes. Curly had other plans, however, and just led them back to Shane’s bedroom.

“So, before we get good and naked, can I just assume that you two have done your part in this before?” he asked.

When they nodded, Curly stepped into Ryan’s space and cupped his hands around Ryan’s biceps. “Then let’s get this show on the road.”

Heart beating louder than he wanted to admit, Ryan leaned in to press their lips together.

It was odd, at first. Curly’s facial hair was thicker than Shane typically let his own get, so it was a scratchier kiss than Ryan was used to. But it was nice, too, especially since neither had to do a lot of stretching to kiss standing up, and Curly's lips were so soft under his beard.

“Wow,” Shane breathed softly from behind Ryan, his hands gripping onto Ryan’s hips. “I’ve never seen you kiss someone before.”

“Is it too much?” Ryan asked, angling his neck around to try and look at him.

“No,” he said as he squeezed Ryan’s hips. “Keep going.”

“If you insist,” Curly said. He kissed Ryan harder this time, his tongue darting in between Ryan’s lips. The kiss was sweet and a little dirty, just like Curly himself.

Familiar lips attached themselves to Ryan's neck as Shane pressed his hard dick against Ryan's back. Ryan let out a small groan, inadvertently breaking the kiss.

“Already hard, huh?” Ryan asked, angling his neck to give Shane more room.

“Of course I am,” he murmured, setting his chin on Ryan's shoulder. “Look at you two.”

“Flattery will get you _everywhere_ , _cariño,”_ Curly said before leaning in to catch Shane's mouth with his own. Instinctively, Ryan went to get out of their way, but they both held him in place, strong hands on his hips and arms. It was a little dizzying, being trapped in between two people kissing, but in the best way. He couldn’t see them very well, but the heat from their bodies enveloped him. It was enough for his dick to get fully hard and strain against the seam of his pants.

Grabbing Curly’s waist, Ryan grinded up against him to ease some of the pressure. Curly hummed pleasantly, pulling back just enough to grin at Ryan.

“I see your eggplant is...what was that absolutely disgusting word you used? Ripe?”

“I was trying to be make it sexy,” Ryan shrugged.

“And that works for you?” Curly asked Shane.

“God help me, it does,” he said, letting Ryan feel exactly how much it worked for him.

“Of course,” Curly said fondly. “I should have known you two were into each other’s specific brand of weirdness.”

“It helps when you’re both the crazy one,” Ryan said. Shane wrapped his arms around Ryan’s middle, hugging him close.

“Okay, you need to get naked. Right now. I mean, all of us do, but especially you,” Shane instructed.

Within minutes, Shane’s bedroom floor was littered with clothes and the three of them were all perched on Shane’s king-sized bed. Now that they were all naked, Ryan’s nerves started to get to him. This was real. This was happening.

Both Shane and Curly must have sensed it, the former threading his fingers into Ryan’s hair just the way he liked, while Curly took one of Ryan’s hands and spread the fingers out in between his own.

“ _¿Estás bien?_ ”

“Yeah. Just...it’s a lot more real, now. I can see your dick and everything.”

“And I can see both of yours. Nicely done, by the way,” Curly said with a wink. “Would be nice to see them together, though. To get started.”

“Good idea,” Shane said. “C’mon, Ry, get on your back.”

Ryan did, his head hitting the nearest pillow. Shane followed, pressing their hips together and kissing him softly. Ryan moaned a little when their dicks slid against each other, but Shane kept the rhythm slow and steady, with his thumb rubbing back and forth over Ryan’s nipple. It reminded him of those first few times, when he was still so nervous about fucking up in bed, and Shane always just seemed to _know_ how to reassure him, without having to say a word.

And here he was, doing it again. With Curly’s help.

Opening his eyes, Ryan pulled back enough to look between Shane and Curly. Two people who understood him so well that they instinctively knew he’d need a little relaxing to get started. Even though this whole damn thing was _his_ idea.

He reached out for Curly, tugging on his hand to urge him in close. When he was sidled up next to them, Ryan grinned up at Shane.

“Get the lube.”

“Ah, those three little words every guy wants to hear,” Curly sighed dreamily.

“You two are such romantics,” Shane said as he slid off of Ryan to rummage in the nightstand drawer.

“Fine. Get the lube, _babycakes_ ,” Ryan teased. Curly cracked up while Shane just flipped him the finger. It was like they were back in New Mexico again, all just bouncing off of each other so effortlessly.

Nerves totally gone, Ryan briefly rolled onto his side to heave Curly up on top of him. His eyes went wide behind his glasses as Ryan gripped his waist.

“ _Puchica_...holy shit,” Curly gasped. “Those biceps really are no joke.”

“It’s great, right?” Shane said, tossing the lube next to them. “I keep meaning to send his trainer a fruit basket.”

“ _I’m_ the one doing all the work,” Ryan pointed out, flexing his arms for good measure. Shane and Curly both groaned, much to his satisfaction.

“Put it to good use, then. Flip,” Shane said, drawing a circle in the air with his index finger.

Holding onto Curly’s waist, Ryan flipped them over so that he was on top now. Curly shook his head underneath him, his trademark curls spreading out against the mattress.

“Please feel free to do that whenever you like for the rest of my life.”

Ryan leaned over on his knees and elbows. “I might take you up on that.”

Curly wrapped his arms around Ryan’s back as he tilted his head up to press their lips together. As they kissed, Ryan felt the mattress shift by their legs as Shane knelt down by them. When one of his fingers, slick with lube, pressed right against him, Ryan groaned into Curly’s mouth.

As Shane slid his finger carefully in, one of Curly’s hands traveled further down Ryan’s back until it could grab Ryan’s ass. Ryan’s hips rocked forward in response, his cock sliding against Curly’s and smearing precome all over both of their stomachs.

“You wanna help me out, Curly?” Shane asked.

Curly lifted his hand off of Ryan’s ass. “Lube me up.”

“Ah fuck,” Ryan said as he spread his legs wider. He hadn’t even imagined they would do this part together.

“We got you, ghost boy,” Curly said softly as he rubbed a newly slick finger against Ryan. Ryan's chuckle from the nickname died in his throat as Curly slid his index finger in, right alongside Shane's. His fingers weren't as long as Shane's, but they were a bit thicker. The contrast was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

Shane slowly twisted his finger. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Ryan huffed out. “Keep going.”

“We can do that,” Curly said, curling the tip of his finger inside him.

Groaning, Ryan buried his face in Curly's neck. They were stretching him open so deliberately, so carefully, like they'd done it together a hundred times before.

“Hey Curly, you wanna see something good?” Shane asked casually.

“Always.”

“What are you- _fuck!”_ Ryan shouted as Shane's finger pressed against his prostate. His hips bucked forward automatically, his dick sliding against Curly's stomach, leaving a trail of wetness.

“Very good. _Muy bueno_ , if I do say so myself,” Curly said as he pressed down on Ryan’s back with his free hand.

Ryan just grunted in response as Shane pressed against him again and again. He was sure he could come from this, just their fingers and grinding against Curly’s dick and stomach. But Ryan wanted more. He always wanted more.

“Guys,” he said after a particularly hard thrust from both their fingers. “I think I’m ready.”

“Good, ‘cause I was about to embarrass myself here just by rubbing our dicks together,” Curly said as he eased his finger out.

Shane followed, but he kept his hands close, massaging the cheeks. “Jesus, Ry, has your ass gotten more swole in the past week or is it just my imagination?”

Sitting up on his knees, Ryan looked back over his shoulder at him with a grin. “It was glutes week.”

Curly sat up as well, peering down over Ryan’s shoulder on the other side. “Can I get in on that fruit basket action, Shane? Because that is a _booty_.”

“Again, I’m the one who actually does all the working out,” Ryan said, although he couldn’t hide how pleased he was that Shane noticed. “I should be the one getting the fruit basket.”

“You’re about to get two eggplants, is that enough of a fruit basket for you?” Curly asked, giving Ryan’s ass a squeeze.

“I think eggplants are vegetables,” Shane pointed out.

“Either way, you’ll be getting plenty of vitamin D,” Curly said with a smirk.

They all cracked up, with Ryan’s forehead hitting Curly’s shoulder while Curly and Shane shared a high-five. This was why Ryan wanted to do this with Curly and not just anyone else. The three of them clicked so well together.

They all quickly rearranged. Ryan on his hands and knees, with Curly kneeling in front of him and Shane at the back. While Shane lubed up, Curly threaded his fingers into Ryan’s hair and smiled down at him.

“What is it?” Ryan asked.

“Oh nothing. Just thinking about how last year you got all wigged out on me when I said I was an Unsolved groupie, and now, here I am, about to put my dick in your mouth and become an actual Unsolved groupie.”

Ryan cringed as he remembered it. “Yeah, sorry for that, man. I was going through some stuff, as you can probably guess.”

“I’m about to spitroast you, along with your leggy co-host-slash-boyfriend, so no apologies necessary. I’m just very honored to be part of your personal and spiritual growth.”

“Speaking of growth, I’m ready when you are,” Shane said, sliding his cock between Ryan’s cheeks.

Ryan took a deep breath. “Ready.”

As Shane carefully pushed inside, Ryan wrapped his lips around the head of Curly’s dick. It was a lot, almost too much, and Ryan had to pull back off to catch his breath. Curly didn’t complain, though, and just rubbed his fingers against his scalp while Shane pushed all the way in. Once Ryan adjusted to the stretch, he took Curly’s cock back into his mouth.

It was still a lot, the sensation of two dicks in him at once, but in the best, most overwhelming way possible. All Ryan had to do was focus on them and the rest of the world fell away, like with a long workout or his beloved immersive haunted houses. He sucked Curly’s dick, tongue running alongside the underside, while Shane grinded into him over and over again. Ryan barely even heard the moans and swears that punctuated every thrust or suck; he was so completely focused on getting Shane and Curly off at the same time.

At one point, Curly’s hand left Ryan’s hair as he grabbed onto Ryan’s shoulders. At the same time, Shane buried himself completely inside Ryan and stayed there while Curly’s dick inched itself down his throat. It was so fucking much and all he could do was groan, the pressure building up inside him like a shaken soda can. But then it was gone, with Shane pulling back and Curly slipping his cock out of Ryan’s mouth completely.

“You okay? I had to steal a kiss from ya boy,” Curly said as he cupped Ryan’s jaw.

“Is that what you were doing?” Ryan asked, clearing his throat. Fuck, his voice was gonna be _wrecked_ tomorrow.

“Yeah. He’s got very kissable lips, that Curly,” Shane said. His rhythm had slowed considerably and his thumbs were rubbing small circles against Ryan’s hips.

“He does. I like that proper beard burn too,” Ryan said with a grin.

“Do you now? Good to know,” Curly said, hunching over to give Ryan a quick but deep kiss.

When the kiss was done, they got back to it. Shane picked up the pace while Ryan took Curly all the way back in, until his nose was pressed against his pelvis. He could tell by the way Shane’s rhythm was breaking that he was getting close, and Curly probably wasn’t far behind either. Hell, Ryan felt close himself and nothing was even touching his cock.

“Ryan, Curly,” Shane said suddenly, his voice cracking. “Ghosts...are...real.”

And with that, he came, his hands holding on so tightly to Ryan’s hips that Ryan knew he’d have finger-shaped bruises there later. Ryan groaned around Curly’s cock, mostly from Shane coming inside him, but he had to admit hearing Shane say that certainly helped too.

“Real...real fake. Ghosts are really fake,” Shane continued as he eased out of Ryan and flopped down next to him. Of course he had to go and ruin it, in typical Shane fashion. Ryan gave him a stern glare before focusing back on Curly’s dick.

“I don’t know what I expected,” Curly said with a breathy laugh. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”

“Nope. I’ve got a way to make it up to you, though. You just gotta come first.”

Ryan’s eyes snapped back over to Shane’s, wondering if he was thinking what Ryan thought he was. Shane just winked at him, but that was enough of a confirmation. Ryan couldn’t take it anymore and had to balance on one hand so he could touch himself. It felt so fucking fantastic to relieve some of the pressure that Ryan groaned around Curly again. The vibrations must have felt good because Curly grabbed onto Ryan’s hair and began swearing in a rapid-fire mix of Spanish and English that even Ryan couldn’t translate. Ryan groaned again, hoping it would bring him over the edge. It worked; within seconds he tasted salt.

Curly fell backwards onto the bed, still swearing up a storm. Before Ryan could do the same, two large hands cupped his face and pulled him into the messiest, filthiest kiss of his entire life. Shane licked as much of Curly’s come out of his mouth as he could before they both had to swallow.

“See? I made it up to you,” Shane said, grinning over at Curly.

“Jesus Christ, I’d say so,” Curly replied, his breath ragged.

“Guys, I gotta, _please_ ,” Ryan stammered. He had let go of his cock to stay upright and it physically ached with the need to be touched again.

“Come here, Ryan,” Curly said, tugging on Ryan’s arms. “I’ve got you.”

With some help from Shane, Ryan collapsed next to Curly, on his side. Immediately, Curly wrapped his hand around Ryan’s cock and began stroking him. He had been leaking so steadily that Curly didn’t need any spit or lube to slick him up.

Meanwhile, Shane rested his hand right at the small of Ryan’s back and whispered in his ear.

“I can help out, if you want me to.”

“ _Please_ ,” Ryan whined.

And with that, Shane slid two fingers inside him. With the renewed stretch and Curly’s clever fingers tightening around him, it didn’t take long.

“ _FUCK_!” Ryan yelled as he came across Curly’s hand and his own stomach.

“Wow. That was...wow,” Curly said in amazement.

“Uh-huh,” Ryan muttered, too spent to form any actual words.

“That was even better than I thought it’d be,” Shane admitted.

“Where are your washcloths? I’ll go get us some,” Curly asked, moving to roll out of bed but Ryan stopped him, grabbing onto his hand.

“Stay.”

“Okay, I know you two aren’t _that_ new at gay sex. You know you have to clean all this up, right?”

“We like to wait until we can’t stand it any longer,” Shane said, beckoning Curly back. “Stay with us in the filth.”

“Fine, twist my arm,” he said, snuggling back down with them.

With Shane spooning up behind him and Curly fingers intertwined with his, Ryan felt as comfortable as he ever had. If it wasn’t for the mess, he would be happy to never move again and just stay in this bed until the end of time.

“If this is the kind of stuff that happens every time there’s an asshole on Reddit, I’m gonna have to start making throwaway accounts to start shit,” Curly said

“Mmhmm. Or you could just ask if we’re available,” Shane said, his fingers flicking up from Ryan’s stomach to poke Curly.

“Yeah. We can pencil you in anytime,” Ryan agreed.

“Really?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically small.

Ryan squeezed his hand. “Yeah. Next time, you should fuck Shane. He wraps all of that leg up around your waist and it’s like, mind-blowingly hot.”

“If you’re into that sorta thing, of course,” Shane said.

“You two,” Curly said, shaking his head. “I’m both y’all’s number one fan, _of course_ I’m into that.”

“Good. ‘Cause we’re your number one fans, too,” Ryan told him.

“ _N_ _ú_ _mero uno_ , baby!” Shane confirmed.

Curly giggled. “God, Ryan, how is his Spanish so much better than yours?”

“It’s not! I’m just...out of practice, I guess.”

“More reason for you to keep coming around,” Shane said, closing his hand around Curly’s and Ryan’s. “Whip him into shape.”

“As long as I get a fruit basket at the end of it,” Curly said with a wink.

As they all laughed, Ryan thought of Shane's closing words from his latest rant. If they really did keep this up, he and Shane were going to be the luckiest ghoul hunters on the planet.


End file.
